I am made up of flaws

When I was younger, I wanted braces and glasses. (I always thought they looked cool.) I have glasses (and love them) and I had braces on my top teeth for six months. Childhood dreams achieved.

Now, I want freckles and red hair. Mainly because they look wonderful in photos. Red hair is the sign of a soul full of fire and freckles are the tiny marks left behind when magic has come into contact with skin. Red hair and freckles are magic made real.

I will never have freckles and I highly doubt red hair would look good on me. This is something I have come to accept. Begrudgingly.

I am not stereotypically pretty (if such a thing exists, for the sake of argument, we are saying it does). I have never been told I should model, and I have never had much attention because of the way my face looks. I am awkward; one of my eyes is bigger than the other (a thing which is alarmingly obvious in the photograph on my driving license), my hair is always scraggly and split at the ends even when I’ve just had it cut, my shoulders are wonky and my neck is slanted. I have a birthmark on my lip (which I adore) that everyone assumes is a bruise or a cut, it goes a deeper blue when I am cold. My eyebrows are very rarely perfectly plucked and I am terrible at most make-up (winged eyeliner, however, I can do… sometimes), I don’t wear it often. I don’t moisturise my face when I should, and I very rarely remember to use the fancy, expensive face stuff I bought for myself for my twenty-sixth birthday.

Sometimes I don’t brush my hair, instead, I put it in a bun or plaits when it’s wet and leave it like that for a day until it looks like I’ve put a lot of effort in to make my hair wavy or curly. My hair hates being washed too much, and certain shampoo makes it feel gummy and disgusting (now that I’ve worked out what particular shampoo that is, I avoid it). Dry shampoo is my friend.

During the week, I put absolutely no effort into my outfits, I pull a top and some leggings off of the giant mound of clothes on my bedroom floor that I really should sort through and hang up. I get up 15-30 minutes before I need to leave for work. I very rarely clean my glasses, and am permanently seeing the world through a smear. As soon as I get home, now that I own a cat who has very fluffy fur and definitely no regard for where he sheds it, I change into lounge pants and one of my designated ‘cat tops’. When it’s cold, I wear a lot of hats and my hair goes even more flat than it already is (I have very fine hair, I often wish that one day I will wake up and it will be gloriously thick and shiny but it won’t, and I will always look like I am going slightly bald even though I’m not), sometimes I wear my hats all day, right up until I go to bed, until my head feels like it’s still wearing it even an hour after I’ve taken it off.

I procrastinate like nothing else. I get determined to do things and then find ways to sabotage myself. Updating this blog being one of those things (but in my defense, have you ever tried to blog on a computer that is attached to a giant TV across the other side of the room? I have, and it is neither pleasant nor enjoyable – now I have a beautiful little laptop which is just for blogging and writing and all manner of wordy things.), I am, once again, going to attempt to do better.

My nails are always stubby and short and bitten jagged, even though I adore the look of black nail varnish. That is another thing I am trying to curb. So far it’s working, soon my nails will be painted black and I will look that little bit more snazzy and that little bit closer to the me that I see in my head, who looks a little bit witchy and a little bit cool and like she has her life together. (Sometimes I have the oomph to look like that. Sometimes.)

When I was younger, I didn’t appreciate the paleness of my skin and the dark brown of my hair. Even though, in my more whimsical moments, I want to paint myself with freckles (I really should learn how to do the freckle make-up, another bit of girlishness that I will be absolutely terrible at), I love being pale and I love having dark hair. (But that doesn’t mean I won’t dye it again, I proabably will.) I love my face sometimes, and I love it when my hair dries just right.

I don’t know how to end blog entries, especially long overdue blog entries.

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The Versatile Blogger Award

Back in March, I was nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by the lovely Romana from ABookNerd13 back in March – I am slightly behind in my tags (I definitely have at least one more to get done), whoops.

So to kick this off, here are the rules

  1. Display the award on your blog.
  2. Thank the blogger that nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  3. Share 7 facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 7 bloggers for the award and provide links to their blog.

I really love awards/tags which involve listing facts, even though I haven’t actually done one before. I like talking about myself, what can I say? It is with that in mind that I present seven potentially interesting things about my good self:

  1. I am incredibly afraid of heights. If I am enclosed, I’m fine, so flying isn’t a problem, nor was the London Eye back when I was 18. stand me on a chair, however, and I am suddenly unable to function like a normal human being. I also have trouble with uneven staircases, and natural staircases, and any staircase with gaps between the steps.
  2. I find distance difficult to process. I am forever glancing at my satnav when it tells me that I need to turn off in 700, 500, 200 yards. I have no idea how far away 700 yards is, or how far away a yard is. My depth perception without my glasses is abysmal. It is a problem.
  3. When I was little I added two extra lines into the middle of my Es. My reasoning was that the middle line would get lonely.
  4. I can’t tie my shoelaces like a normal human being. I have to make ‘bunny ears’ and tie them that way. I just can’t understand the normal way.
  5. I have a giant sweet tooth. The way to my heart is chocolate, preferably with some kind of hazelnut component. My other half has made it his mission to supply me with hazelnut chocolate Easter eggs. He’s doing well so far.
  6. I like it when people cancel plans. Well, unless I’ve pre-paid for said plans or already started travelling for them. I love having an extra day to chill and do whatever my tiny introverted heart desires. I used to hate it because I didn’t have a huge amount of spare time, and any spare time I did have had to be planned in advance. Now I have more, and I enjoy doing absolutely nothing with it. That or writing, creating, freelancing, binge-watching things on Netflix.
  7. I can listen to the same song on repeat for hours. Sometimes, I have a sound I want to listen to and nothing else, so I do. I sit in my little bubble and listen (my bubble often being my car, my beautiful little blue car).

I’ve chosen a couple of my new followers to tag, should they choose to. You should check them out. :)

The Buffy Project

Alicia from Story Garden

Vihasi from Everlasting Smile Wisdom

Ula from simple Ula

Cafe Book Bean

Ami from luv to read

Brandi from Brandilyn Gilbert