elou carroll

Have I mentioned that I’m terrible? My last update on here was in September 2024. Oh. I have been conspicuously absent from my own website and most of my social media since last autumn (barring instagram, and keeping Crow & Cross Keys ticking—all of the oomph I could muster was poured into CCK).

There was a reason, originally.

(I wish the reason was writing, but it largely wasn’t writing.)

What was the reason, originally? you ask.

Well, from early November until—Uuuh, mid-January? I only had one working thumb, and while I only had one working thumb, I found it very difficult to think about anything other than the non-working thumb because of who I am as a person. If fixation is a big part of your mental health cocktail, I do not recommend getting an infection. (Especially not one that medical professionals refer to as gnarly.)

I do often disappear in December, so that wasn’t a surprise—my day job involves online (and phone) customer service and December through January is a lot. Between that and the thumb saga, I was pretty much out of commission for anything involving the use of my brain outside of my day job. (There is a reason I close CCK submissions between November and mid-February, and this is it.)

By February, my thumb felt almost normal, so the plan was to get back to business as usual. Business as usual with the addition of a need to run my index finger over my thumb nail at regular intervals because it had a weird lumpy bit and a white stripe across it as a result of the infection and subsequent trauma, and the act of touching it meant that I didn’t feel the need to stare at it and think about it when I should have been staring at and thinking about other things. Inhabiting this brain of mine is, has been and will be, as ever, an adventure in patience.

Inhabiting this brain of mine, unfortunately, became a problem, and business as usual turned into overwhelm and writer’s block. Fun! The more overwhelmed I became, the harder it was to write, so I didn’t. The longer it had been since I updated my website, the more anxious I found myself, so I didn’t. (The start of this post actually began its life in February, I edited it just now to better reflect the present, but it has been sitting in my drafts for a long time. Whoops.)

But here we are. We have returned.

I am writing again, and so too am I updating my website. Here, I am. This is an update. (Thanks must go to the lovely Ai Jiang for that first bit, whose enthusiasm is inspiring, and chatting to her over an iced chai latte and a slice of apple cake appears to have sprung me from my wordless hovel. Thanks, Ai! Go read her latest novella, A Palace Near the Wind!)

Anyway. This is just a post to say: I’m still alive and I will be writing a post about my newest stories soon.

On a more positive note, during my rut, I’ve been reading a lot and having an absolutely wonderful time at that. (I even finished my 2025 reading goal yesterday with half a year to go—well done, me.) If you want to know what I’ve been reading and see (probably) gushy reviews of everything I consume, give me a follow on Goodreads or the Storygraph. I am also on Fable, but I haven’t quite gotten the hang of that and I’m not sure if I can even link to myself. Help.

If you’re still here—thank you.